#Day 3 How do you start consent training with your kids? Let your child be your teacher.

How do you start teaching your kids consent? Let your kid/teen be your teacher. Start as early as you can. Start today. It doesn't need to take more than ten seconds. Celebrate starting no matter the outcome!

It's taking action that matters. All you need to do is ask your child, "What do you think consent is?" I can't stress enough how important it is to make it simple. Or you will get resistance. Go for the pull, not the push. Pushing is not consensual.

There is no need to necessarily correct or add something once they have replied. It's enough to thank your child for telling you. Preaching or giving unsolicited advice is where we go wrong in our enthusiasm to help our kids. We forget to listen and be curious. And since we have more experience, it's easy to start lecturing, which I did today while skiing with my daughter.

My daughter has declared that I'm the worse ski teacher ever. But I had so much great advice to give her 🙈. The amount of unsolicited advice I gave her was completely non-consensual, and in Wheel of Consent language, we would say in the shadow. It didn't serve her at all.

We push our knowledge on our kids wanting to share what we have (finally!) learned. Even though our intentions are good, our enthusiasm backfires. We forget to listen with curiosity, and that learning is better when it's a two-way street.

The consent work I have done with my kids has been going on for years, and sometimes I've beaten myself up for not doing more. Today I know I did the right thing – I looked out for the pull, not the push. I think my patience in part was because consent was my work. I am mindful of not pushing my work on my children.

In which areas do you succeed in teaching your children skills and values? Or where do you succeed in life? What are your success factors in this area?

And if you haven't already asked your child what consent is. Do that. And make it simple. If not sure what to answer, the best answer you can give is "Thank you for telling me; it's useful for me."

PS. I'll add a note about asking teenagers. I know how hard it can be to start talking to teens. Make it clear that this is for you. You are learning or doing a course. Can they give you a short answer? No matter how reluctant teens can be, they are often willing to help out by giving their opinion. You are off to a great start if you clarify that this is for you. And then, no matter what they answer, say thank you. If they say something inappropriate, say, "That's interesting." Baby-steps even with our big ones. ❤

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