Consent+Kids+Pleasure Therapy? Hell yes!
My kids are proud of my work as a Pleasure Therapist and they are my everyday teachers around consent. Consent is a crucial part if you want pleasure in your life. Pleasure is something our kids deserve. Those of you who automatically think of bodywork+pleasure as not having anything to do with kids. It’s probably because our culture is so fucked up of not talking about sex that we don’t know what sex really is, and what isn’t sex. I hope you enjoy insights into my everyday training with my wonderful kids ❤
Today I’m setting out on a 21-day Consent Journey with my kids, age 5 & 7. I’ll share exercises and/or consent conversations from everyday life with my two kids and partner.
It’s the small acts we do on an everyday basis that form behaviors and values. The ones we don’t always pay attention to but that are life-changing. Consent is a practice and a life-style.
And as it happened this morning, after I had done an exercise with my daughter, I noticed that it’s exactly 21 days (and I love the number 21) until we launch the “Wheel of Consent for Parents” workshop. I’m honored to be assisting Gráinne Carr From @Consent Matters Ireland. So I felt motivated. I have never done this practice in such a goal-oriented way, journaling about it and telling someone else I will. Now I feel scared. Will I keep this up for 21 days?!
Sitting on the couch this morning, I asked my daughter if we could do “Listening – Talking” for a minute. It is a great way to explore Take & Allow without touch. She asks if it’s like the 3-minute game, which she loves. I say it’s similar.
It warms my heart how she starts negotiating time down to 10 seconds. And when it’s her turn to talk, she tells me she doesn’t want to talk. I tell her it’s her time and that her 10 seconds are for her to do whatever she wants. She chooses to jump up and down for 10 seconds.
In my role as a former teacher, I would have seen this as a failure, but as a consent educator, I celebrate it. Whenever we can in life, let’s go for the pull, not push. And if we need to push through, who is it for? Forcing someone to talk is a topic that has been on my mind lately. How often do we cross our kids’ boundaries by forcing them to talk?
I’m so glad my daughter felt into what she wanted with her time. It wasn’t to make mum happy and just do the exercise as told. She asked for a limit of 10 seconds and then stated her wish of not wanting to talk. She was making choices, and that is the true essence of consent. Without choice, there is no consent.
No other practice helps us embody choice like The Wheel of Consent. It dives into the nuances of “want to” – “willing to” –“no”. It helps us embody our authentic needs and wishes as well as communicate them. It’s with gratitude that I start this new year, once again feeling the power of the simple, yet so profound practice of the Wheel of Consent.
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